that filter

that filter

(Source: cordjefferson)

youngmanhattanite:

buytoiletpaper:

Oh hey, I just found out why you’re supposed to remove the lid a little bit when you stick a container in the microwave.

"It was a gorgeous essay"

write an email about all the stuff you’re not going to write about

"just like" a marriage
Sweetest Day is a really weird regional holiday / holiday sequel
When I googled to see just how regional (because I thought it was limited to the ten miles surrounding Hammond, Indiana — turns out Cleveland is actually the epicenter) I found that
It is “actually” 10/18, not 10/16
Just like a marriage,
  1. "just like" a marriage
  2. Sweetest Day is a really weird regional holiday / holiday sequel
  3. When I googled to see just how regional (because I thought it was limited to the ten miles surrounding Hammond, Indiana — turns out Cleveland is actually the epicenter) I found that
  4. It is “actually” 10/18, not 10/16
  5. Just like a marriage,
floyd chewed barnabus’s bowtie clean off his collar because somebody can’t stand not being the handsomest doggy at the dance

floyd chewed barnabus’s bowtie clean off his collar because somebody can’t stand not being the handsomest doggy at the dance

maybe if i follow every blog there will be no more “recommended blogs”

martha stewart’s latest publicity stunt is working, i am so weak, all i want to do is make pumpkin! meringue! pie! even though the last three times i have made a pie i have questioned my value as a human being generally as a direct result of the difficulty i had rolling out pie crust (rapid-cycling between this is hard it’s okay that it is hard and there is an actual expression describing how fucking easy this is for normal people why are you so bad at pie/life) and i live with exactly one other adult and he doesn’t even like pie all that much so i would be baking a pumpkin meringue pie to eat alone and i’d probably feel bad about myself while i make the pie, while i eat the pie, and then — most awfully — while the pie goes to waste in the fridge. but seeing one impossibly rich and famous person publicly pick a fake fight with another impossibly rich and famous person makes it all seem worth it, somehow.

MONUMENT

dnlbly:

YOU SPECIFY IN YOUR LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT “BURY ME WHERE I STAND” SO THEY REMOVE A CHUNK OF TILES FORM THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE GOLDEN PANTRY’S CHECKOUT COUNTER AND THEY SET YOUR FEET AND THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR SHINS IN THE DIRT BELOW

THE REST OF YOU SNAPS AND IS REMOVED

THE TILES ARE REPLACED AFTER THE STUMPS ARE SHORTENED

IT IS LIGHT WIND SEASON, SWAYING TREE SEASON

SOMEWHERE SOMEONE IS WATCHING THE SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE OF YOUR LIFE, TRYING TO FIND THE MOMENT WHERE

WE DROP AN EGG IN THE PAN AND IT STICKS AND BLOSSOMS AND BURNS AND CANNOT BE SCRAPED OFF

YOU BEGIN TO FEEL THAT ADULTHOOD MUST PRECEDE CHILDHOOD

I ARRIVE TO MEET YOU BUT THE MANAGER OF THE GOLDEN PANTRY HAS ALREADY REPLACED THE TILES

I CHECK THE DUMPSTER OUT BACK BUT YOU ARE NOT THERE

I CHECK THE WOODS BEHIND THE DUMPSTER

I CRAWL THROUGH MANY OBSTACLES: NETTLE AND BRIARS AND BARBED WIRES

I FIND A NEIGHBORHOOD WHICH I ENTER THROUGH A BACKYARD, NEARLY TRIPPING ON A DOG’S CHAIN, NEARLY FALLING INTO A COVERED POOL’S PUDDLE IN WHICH MOSQUITOS BREED

THE MOSQUITOS BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS INFINITE AND SO THEY SAIL AS NEAR TO THE SUN AS THEY CAN MANAGE BEFORE RETURNING

THEY RETURN TO MAKE HOLES IN US

AND TO MAKE NEW MOSQUITOS AS IF TO MAKE NEW CLOUDS

THEY RETURN TO MAKE MAKE HOLES IN US

LATE ONE NIGHT YOU ASK ME, “do you think mosquitos make holes that they love? holes that they hope to one day return to?”

I FONDLY REMEMBER NIGHTLIGHTS    ESPECIALLY WHEN SICK

I MOVE BEYOND A POOL AND PAST BETWEEN TWO HOUSES TO A FOREGROUND TO HOW PEOPLE HAVE BECOME HIDDEN

I FEEL YOU MUST BE NEAR THOUGH I KNOW YOU ARE NOT

I TAP MY CELL PHONE IN THE STREET TO SEE WHERE I AM

I AM NEVER LOST    I SET THE DIRECTIONS TO WALK HOME UNTIL I KNOW WHERE I AM AND I AM STEERED AWAY FROM THE BRAMBLE AND THE BRIAR

I PASS A DOG BEING WALKED BY A WOMAN

WE CLAIM OUR SIDES OF THE STREET AND SAY HELLO

SHE SAYS NICE NIGHT       I SAY I KNOW

YOU SAY OK             AND THE WORLD SAYS I KNOW

THEY SAY MOSQUITOS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE

YOU SAY THAT’S OK THEY NEED ME ALIVE

the room that had the water damage over the summer has to be torn apart, found the sledgehammer in the garage earlier, finally, anyway that’s not the point, the point is look at the statue Greg found in the wall. she’s about two feet high, she is made of plaster, and it has been a very long time since it was a joke when I would say my house was haunted.

actuallygrimes:

i only took this quiz cuz i knew that there was a result that ended with a grimes picture, and i would like to say that i had to skew my answers wildly to get it.   I would like to point out that my real answers lead to jennifer anniston.  

this is too much

(via 3dprintmeafucktogive)

an irl thinkpiece